If You Could See What I See

I found myself reading a Reddit post the other day that I just had to respond to. I read a recovering addicts struggle to understand how his girlfriend wasn’t embarrassed to be with him. He struggled to see how she viewed his fight to overcome addiction as courageous. These words hurt my heart to read. I knew this sentiment all too well. The man that I love has these same doubts. Even when he doesn’t voice it I can see it in his eyes and it kills me.

I’ve tried so many times to explain to my other half what I see; what those who love him see. He has a heart of gold, he’s intelligent and funny with a generous soul all wrapped up into this amazing person I love. I’m not naive to the broken pieces that he is trying to mend and I will support whatever his journey is to forgiving himself. I can only hope in time he starts to see his true worth and all the happiness he deserves. My focus, however, will never shift I see someone that it would be impossible not to love and I plan to remind him of that every day.

Sadly, as I navigate this path beside him supporting his battle against this disease I started to understand why he struggles to see himself worthy of love and happiness. Addicts are labeled in the most horrible of ways; manipulating, heartless, selfish junkies who will only break you as you are trying to save them. But what about those who are trying to save themselves? Those who are finding their way after a tough fall. They are caring people who are struggling enough to love themselves after their mistakes. Addicts and recovering addicts wake up every day facing a battle so many of us will never understand. Many seek support and guidance as they want to make this addiction part of who they were and not have people see it as who they are.

I could be angry and target this post at those who will never understand until this horrible disease touches their lives, but I won’t. This blog is a place of support and hopefully a different voice in this epidemic. So, I’d like to end by targeting it towards those facing their demons and tell you how incredibly resilient and strong you must be to continue this daily battle. Be proud of the work you’ve done. Do not take the words of strangers or the addiction demons still lingering on the inside. Listen closely to those who really matter. Those who have never stopped seeing the good in you. We are here to remind you of who you truly are and hold out hope for all you still have ahead. In time, hopefully you will see this too.

“Be an encourager. The world has plenty of critics already.”
-Dave Willis

Photo credit: http://www.odysseyonline.com

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2 thoughts on “If You Could See What I See

  1. Really glad to see another post on your blog. Me and my partner have just got clean again after a long relapse. We both went to rehab separately and everyone said we had little hope as codependent addicts and were advised to split up numerous times.
    However, we had six years clean before that, both went to uni, got professional qualifications, good jobs, have a house and built an amazing life together. Then the shit hit, I was overworking and had a breakdown, crashed my car and got signed off work, my partner had a breast cancer scare, my dad has dementia, her dad’s cancer has spread to his spine, her epilepsy led to her having grand mal fits (including one where I came back just in time to drag her out of the bath) etc. etc. everyone has their limit and we used again to cope. But through it all we supported each other, cared for each other and basically had no one else to turn to. This does not make us useless, codependent addicts, but loving partners who face life’s challenges together and don’t give up when shit gets tough.

    Thank you for your words, not all addicts are the same, there is always hope and if you see something special in someone fight for them.

    “The hardest thing in the world to do, is find someone, who believes in you.”

    M.Ward -Sad, Sad Song.

    Liked by 1 person

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