I was never a crier and I definitely did not cry in public. I prided myself on the ability to hide that side. I’m not sure why I found it so important to keep this tough facade. Maybe because I was the youngest and only girl or that it was always me with all the boys doing anything to not act “like a girl.” Either way showing tears and emotion always felt like showing weakness and that was something I was not okay with.
This journey with my better half has not only been his opportunity to assess and grow but mine too. There have been times that I would retreat to the “never let ‘em see you cry” mentality. I thought it was what he needed and although I don’t think that I was always wrong; in any relationship what you both need is to be honest and pretending I wasn’t hurting and felt like breaking at moments wasn’t fair to either of us.
This change for me has not been a perfect path and I am definitely still navigating when the strong side of me is necessary and when the more human and honest side is best. I know, I know, the latter is far more important but old habits and instincts die hard. I am working past this stage of holding everything in until it feels like I might explode. And at some point I do. I let myself feel, generally over something that at any other time would seem completely irrelevant, and yet tsunami sized tears roll down my face. SO not only have I showed weakness, I look crazy overacting to something completely ridiculous and childish. I am aware this is not healthy and I continue to work on this character flaw and I guarantee “he” wants me to keep moving forward through this stage too.
There are many different sources and articles that will tell you all the benefits of a good cry. Physically it helps nourish the eye and clear nasal passages, it relieves stress and improves mood. I have no scientific research to support any of the above statements but stating on experience alone let’s sometimes a good hard cry just feels good. As I get older (I’d like to say wiser, but I’ll just stick with older for now) I am learning to embrace the emotional benefit that comes with just letting it all out. Lessons learned: I am not alone in all of this and I don’t always have to be strong. Being real and allowing myself to feel and react has greatly helped my mood and feeling of anxious-nous, it has also strengthened mine and my other half’s communication and relationship.
So go ahead turn on that one album or movie let your brain and heart feel the same pain and just have a good cry. Nourished eyes, a clear nasal passage and less weight on that heart may just feel good.
” A strong person is not the one who doesn’t cry. A strong person is the one who cries and shed tears for a moment, then gets up and fights again”